Look, I can tell you’re disappointed. What? No, I’m excited. This honeymoon is way overdue. Yeah, but you wanted to go to Hawaii. I know. I merely suggested Hawaii. No, I’m happy you decided to come to Palm Springs instead. I mean, who needs crystal blue water, white sand beaches, fattening luaus, the breathtaking majesty of Diamond Head. Yawn. Boring. I just couldn’t get the time off from work. But if it’s any consolation, I hear the resort I booked for us in Palm Springs is amazing. Todd, it doesn’t matter where we go or where we stay. It’s about you and I celebrating our life together. Just you and me. No distractions. Yeah. No distractions whatsoever. I swear, Nelson, I didn’t know this was a clothing optional resort. I’m not a prude, Todd. I can handle it. You want a dick … a drink? The bar is over there. Yeah, sure. I’ll have a beer. Hey, those two look familiar. They all kind of look alike if you ask me. Well, except for that guy. He’d be make Seabiscuit self-conscious. Nelson, the guys over there. Nelson, look up! Look who’s here! Hey! Detectives! Hey! Detectives! My god! What a coincidence! All four of us staying at the same clothing optional resort. I see you’re here with Todd. Yeah, maybe the four of us can meet up sometime and grab a cock… Up here, Nelson. Up here. A cocktail. What’s your room number? Uh… twenty-seven. No, it’s not. It’s room ten. Room ten. I’m memorizing it. Hey, it is our honeymoon but don’t worry. We’ll work in some friend bonding time this weekend, okay? See you later! Can’t wait. Why would you tell them our room number? Now they’re going to know where to find us. So? So there’s always something with these guys. They’re always trying to pull us into their bear drama. We came here to relax, Marcus. Okay, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Exactly. That’s precisely why you’re not a detective anymore. You know what? You’re right. I’m just a model. Making four times your salary. Which is the reason why we’re even at this fancy resort and why we’re going to be test driving Teslas tomorrow. You have anything else to say? Yeah, I didn’t think so. He’s hot. Who? Come on. The guy you’re staring at. It’s no problem, honey. There’s no harm in looking. I wasn’t. I guess I was just lost in thought. Oh, really? What were you thinking about? All the hot things I’m going to do when I get your ass back to the room. Cyril, do you worry that by expanding your show Doing Time to two hours it might be too much of a good thing? Absolutely not. I have a responsibility to paint a realistic portrait of life behind bars. And if I can have a bigger canvas to reach more young men, who after seeing our show, might think twice before grabbing a gun and robbing the nearest 7-11 then I will have succeeded. This has never been about exploitation. This is about education. Oh. Please don’t forget to vote in our online poll for who gets to be my next prison bitch! Is it Kenny or Jason? You decide! It’s neck and neck at this point so every vote counts! Plus be sure to check out our companion show Hard Time premiering in January which takes a deeper, more penetrating look at sex behind bars. Plus we weed out all the ugly inmates so it’s really hot and fun to watch! Hard Time? I’m getting a hard on just watching this. This is a nightmare! Cyril is taking over the Inquisitive Channel. He now owns Wednesday night! Relax, Reggie. It’s not like they’re cancelling your show. But it’s been moved to Saturday nights at eight, Wood! They call that the death slot because everyone knows once you’re there you’re on your way out! God dammit! Why did Nelson and Todd pick this weekend to go on their honeymoon? I really need the support of my friends right now! I’m here if you need me. I mean my smart friends, Wood! The ones with brains! The ones who can actually offer me comfort and advice! I can offer comfort and advice! Wow! You really know how to hurt a guy! Oh my god! Wood! I’m sorry. I appreciate you being here. Really I do. You know, I just can’t be alone right now. Oh. Actually I was kind of hoping you would say, “I’m fine, Wood. Thanks anyway” like you usually do. You see, I have this hot new Sporting Wood model starting today and we had this insane sexual chemistry during his interview so I don’t know what to do. My head is saying I should stay here with you but my dick is saying, “I could use a hot mouth right now!” You should probably go with what your heart tells you. My heart always listens to my dick. That’s why I had to get that shot last week at the doctor’s office. Ewww! Go! Get out of here! It’s obvious my emotional breakdown can’t compete with you getting oral sex. Thanks, Reggie! You’re a really good friend! Yeah? Well, that’s one of us. At least I have a boyfriend who will care what I’m going through. What the fuck is this? Reggie, I can explain. Mr. Hatch, it’s an honor. We met before. I’m Eduardo. I was a cater waiter at your friend’s wedding shower last year. And we met at the bath house where I had sex with Captain Coley in the jacuzzi. Which was your idea, remember? We needed information from him. Can I just say I’m a huge fan? I never miss Murder Time with Reggie Hatch. Actually I’m an actor and I’ve always wanted to be cast in one of those reenactment scenes. So I went to the studio to drop off my resume and I bumped into Captain Coley. Did you? He was so kind to put in a good word for me and give me a couple of tips. And that led to him giving you the tip of his penis here at his house? Well, not just the tip. Actually the whole thing and all I can say is… ouch! Now Reggie I know I gave you a key but we agreed you’d call first. So you’d like to be on my show? Yes, it would be a dream! That’s so cute. You know what? We could build an entire episode around you. Seriously? Yes. We could call it Death of a Star Fucking Slut! (screams) I will kill you! I will kill you Jezebel! You whore! You whore! I could kill you! (screams) Oh, wow! How come sex with you keeps getting better and better? Well, I’ve always prided myself on being a bit of a penis… I mean people pleaser. My god. Hey, you know our dinner reservations are in twenty minutes. I’ll take the first shower. Relax. I’ll call the restaurant and see if they can push the reservation back a half an hour. Go. Shower. Wash off all that lube and cum and all that. (laughs) It’s sort of a tradition here at Sporting Wood that we do a thorough inspection of the models. It’s like buying a car. You always want to check under the HOOD! I was excited to beat out some of the other guys. I can see! Well, trust me the minute I saw you, you were on the short list. Somebody mention my name? Who is this adorable little pocket daddy? That’s just George, my business partner. Wood, I had the most amazing epiphany while having my mani pedi today. How about for the new speedo line we go with a tasteful dotted swiss? I really think it’s ready for a comeback. Don’t you? Where have you been hiding all my life? Right below your eye line. Was the restaurant able to move the reservation? Todd? Todd? Todd, this is the fourth message I’ve left. It’s ten o’clock. Are we going to dinner? Are you alive? What the fuck? I know you have your phone with you because it’s not on the nightstand. Your wallet’s gone but there are keys here. The rental car is out front so you couldn’t have wandered off too far. Where are you? I’m really getting worried. This is weird. Please. Just call me.